How to Get Rid of Frustration and Self-Pity

I’ve yet to meet the person who never struggles with frustration. It comes with the territory of being human. Like many negative emotions, it’s not wrong or weak to feel frustrated. What is crucial, however, is how we handle our frustration.

One of the quickest ways to change how we react to a negative emotion is to change how you see it and then what you do about it.

One unproductive way to view frustration is to think how dare something frustrate me, and then become offended by it. It’s as if you’re saying, “God, I don’t like what life is handing me right now, and how dare you let this happen?”

The doing that comes with this viewing usually does not solve the problem. In fact, it often makes it worse. We yell, we curse, we blame, we raise our blood pressure and that of those around us. And the problem still remains unsolved.

A more productive way to view frustration is as a chance for improving our problem-solving abilities. If we are frustrated, we need to find some other tools to solve the situation. Develop as many problem-solving tools as you can, because as a wise person once said, “If the only tool you have is a hammer, then everything begins to look like a nail.”

Ask yourself: “Because what I am doing is obviously not solving the problem, what else can I do, find out, or learn to do that might solve it?”

The really nice thing about self-pity is if you can’t get others to feel sorry for you, you can always feel sorry for yourself. The problem is when you throw a pity party, you are the only guest. Then you have a choice: Wallow in the mess or get out.

Wallowing in self-pity is easy. Just look around at all the bad things that have happened to you; compare yourself to a few other people you believe are doing better; and there you are, deep in wallow.

When you’re caught in self-pity, you lose perspective. As author Richard Bach has written, “Perspective: Use it or lose it.”

To powerfully shift your perspective, consider author Stephen Glenn’s definition of abundance: “In terms of the world population, you have abundance if, when you get up in the morning, you have a choice of what to eat, a choice of what to wear, a job to go to (or something to do) and a way to get there.”

One way out of self-pity is to use your perspective and then do something with the abundance in front of you.

About The Author

Jeff Herring

Discover 5 simple steps for 6 figure success online with content marketing.

24 Comments

  • Jeff Herring

    Reply Reply

    We all feel these things. The question is, how long do you want to feel that way?

  • I smiled after reading your article. Not just because it was nicely written, but because I have been into frustrations and self-pity mode recently. Thank you for your advices. It made me realize that I am still blessed because of the abundant things around me everyday despite of so many problems I have encountered.

  • igor griffiths

    Reply Reply

    Nicely timed post

    Yesterday I got told my contract was not going to be renewed before Christmas, today I fired my CV off like a madman to all the sites in my job hunt folder, result I have already been put forward for one position.

    As you said, either live in your problems or solve them and move forward.

    We all have plenty to be grateful for, the trick is to remain looking in that direction.

  • Elizabeth

    Reply Reply

    Thanks for the reminder and advice which came at a perfect time for me. I was just starting to feel frustrated this morning because I have not had time to finish writing my articles for e-zine articles and some copy for my website. After reading your article I re organized my day and set aside time for article writing each morning this week. Not only will I have less stress my next week should be more profitable$.

  • OK, you caught me:) Where are you hiding anyway?

  • Great post, Jeff!!! You’re right, learning to change perspective is valuable to every situation in our lives. Covering up bad feelings with positive ones doesn’t work so acknowledging them and moving on as quickly as possible is vital. Besides, an effective pity-party to get it all out before moving on to better things only takes 4 minutes. Then… get on with life and a better perspective!

  • Parameshwari

    Reply Reply

    Hi Jeff Herring,Thank you.You are right,most of us have a choice.I was really very frustrated too in the morning & I’m still in my pity-party,it might take little longer thane 4 minutes.I’m feeling much better now.Thanks,I really do appreciated your amazing Article,it’s very helpful to me personally.

  • Donna

    Reply Reply

    Thanks Jeff!

    Timing could not be better. When everything appears to be at its worst, like today, I know that crying about it won’t get me anywhere. And emails from friends and family this morning that try to pull me into their own emotional mess… just can’t waste the energy feeling the guilt when it’s not my problem. I can’t please everyone. I can’t make others feel happy. I can only work on myself.

    So like you said, it’s HOW react that is the key. Forward and onward, don’t give up, find a way, be thankful for all the we do have.

    Bless you!

  • Thank you Jeff,
    Although I work with people all the time to get over or cope better with issues in their lives, we who do that kind of work oftentimes need someone to help us. Your timing was impeccable with this article and I really appreciated it!
    Hugs to You,
    Julia

  • Hi Jeff,
    I started to write a 10 minute gratitude list each day and after a few weeks I noticed that and that really helped to change the way that I felt about things on those less than perfect days! I have been doing that every day for a year and a half now!

    For people who get easily discouraged, (like I used to) it really helped me to dig down and find out where my self worth beliefs came from and change the foundation they were built on. Doing that changed me from someone who could spin my wheels for years, to someone who gets my to do list most of the time and I can take the tough days in stride.

    p.s. It’s okay to sit on the pity pot once in a while; just don’t forget to flush! LOL

    Nice blog!
    Darlene Ouimet

  • Jeff Herring

    Reply Reply

    Rosiel – I’m glad for the timing and especially the smile…

    ~ Jeff

  • Jeff Herring

    Reply Reply

    Igor – High fives to you man! How much you wanna bet the next job(s) are better, and what the old job really gave you was an early Christmas present?

    Let us know…

    ~ Jeff

  • Jeff Herring

    Reply Reply

    Elizabeth – I’m glad for the timing too – way to make it work for you – can’t wait to see those articles…

    ~ Jeff

  • Jeff Herring

    Reply Reply

    Suzanne – I know! Isn’t it cool how this works out?

    ~ Jeff

  • Jeff Herring

    Reply Reply

    Kelly – just a few minutes to wallow is allowed…then action!

    ~ Jeff

  • Jeff Herring

    Reply Reply

    Julia – As caregivers, it’s so important to remember that we need care too! Or put another way, “someone has to make the clowns laugh”

    I’m so glad for the timing…

    ~ Jeff

  • Very powerful message Jeff and very sobering. Thanks for the reminder. We always have a choice how we choose to respond to our adversities which sometimes are not really adversities at all if we but shift our perspective.

    Thanks for sharing.

    Alicia

  • LIL

    Reply Reply

    nice

  • Tope

    Reply Reply

    i love this article because that is exactly what i am going to do get rid of all frustration and self- pity in my life.
    perception is the key word.

  • David Perdew

    Reply Reply

    Brother –

    You sure do a lot of good in the world. Very nice and honest article. Everyone feels this way and when they deny it or refuse to follow the steps you’ve outlined, they find themselves thinking much, much darker thoughts. I had a stepson who took his own life. He had every advantage but couldn’t rise above the depression and self-pity.

    Of course it’s hard sometimes. It’s life. And if you want a lot from life as you should, you’re not always going to get it, which can be very disappointing. What donyou do? Lower your expectations? I don’t think so.

    Suck it up and do the next right thing. I like to meditate for guidance and then take action.

    Sometimes it works. Sometimes not. But it always leads to something else.

    David

  • Jeff Herring

    Reply Reply

    Tope – Go for it!

    ~ Jeff

  • Jeff Herring

    Reply Reply

    Alicia – great point – thanks for contributing!

    ~ Jeff

  • Gloria Wilson

    Reply Reply

    Read the article and agreed I have lots to be grateful for. Right now this vintage soul is grateful for choice. When I wake up in the morning I have the choice of being miserable and not wanting to do anything or I can enjoy the day and be happy. I choose BE Happy.

  • Carole Marek

    Reply Reply

    Gratitude – for me this is the key to turning all negative thoughts and emotions around and create a better outcome[life]

    What I do is to think about something I am truly grateful for [thinking of my beautiful little Grandson usually does it for me] then I concentrate on what the feeling of being grateful is – where I feel it in my body.
    Then I bring back that feeling as often as I can throughout the day and definitely when a negative thought or feeling might come by.

    It feels wonderful to feel grateful and I am sure that it is a really nice energy for others to pick up on.

    Thanks for all your helpful stuff Jeff
    Carole

Leave A Response

* Denotes Required Field